Happy Birthday, Baby

I can't believe you've been here one whole year already. (Well, almost - today is your due date actually and I spent what seemed like a year waiting another four days for you to make your appearance.) Sometimes, it seems as though the year has flown by and like you only just got here, but sometimes it seems as though you've been here forever, because I can only get the vaguest sense of memories of life before you.

I'm a little sad. I love you so much, so much more than I could possibly say, and over the last few weeks, you've started taking steps toward becoming a real person, your own person. You're no longer content to be just where you've been put, to play with what you've been handed, to eat what's been given to you. You're moving around like mad - you can roll and wriggle and flail your way just about anywhere now, you're feeding yourself more and more without my help, you're starting to develop opinions (that you share, sometimes loudly) about what you want to do and where you want to be.

People think that the journey begins when a baby arrives, and it does, in some ways. The adventure certainly begins, but I've come to realize that we've been sort of drifting this past year, you and I, in a sheltered, peaceful harbor. Most of the time, it's just been the two of us, preparing the ship for a voyage. We've been learning the ropes, figuring out how things work, how to steer, how to weather storms, doing little practice drills for the bigger things that lie ahead. Will I meet opposition with anger, frustration, patience, wisdom, a combination? Can I take control of my mood or yours and shift from one to another?

We've just been tacking back and forth, lazily seeing the sights and getting the hang of working together as a crew, but before long, we'll actually set out on voyages, do more than sail up to the edge of the harbor and peep out. We'll make longer and longer trips, but I know that this is the first step toward the day when you'll leave the harbor on your own, when you'll be able to set off on your own voyage, and while I'm so excited to see where you go, it makes me cry a little to think about leaving this little world we have together. Bon voyage, sweet baby....